I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
