just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
