Whod you bang
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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