Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
