My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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