Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
tell me about the eggs
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
