shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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