I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize