I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
