Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
