Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
