Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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