i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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