No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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