i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
