He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
