is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
