drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
