he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i drank out of a bidet.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
