Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize