So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
