Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
