Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
