So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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