He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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