My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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