I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
