you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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