So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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