Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize