my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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