I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
