No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
