You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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