She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
