I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
