im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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