True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
