I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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