It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
