he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
