Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
