Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
