I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
