Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
