He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I AM VODKA MAN
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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