He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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