Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it glows. i had to have it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
