i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize