my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
