you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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