I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
