I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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