Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize