What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
