We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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