A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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