I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
