They should really pass out barf bags in church
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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