I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
