my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
