Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
