The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize