the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
