i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
