What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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