Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam

(212): View more from New York

enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening

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(734): View more from Michigan

I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything

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(410): View more from Maryland

and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's

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(917): View more from New York City

She saved the condom from the first time we did it.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?

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(716): View more from New York

im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased

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(201): View more from New Jersey

how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian

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