i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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