i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
