guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize