I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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