I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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