margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
