walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
