She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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