i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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