On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
