so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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