Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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