"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hippo gnu deer
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
