Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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