Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
