Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize