a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
