We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
