cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
