Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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