sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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