the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
