Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
