Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
