Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Someone shattered a urinal.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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