ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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