Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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