I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Panties = found
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