I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
