walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize