Well apparently he's into motor boating.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
