im drinking this country out of the recession.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
