i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize