A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
