i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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