Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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