all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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