I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
