I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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