I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
