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I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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