but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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